So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize