There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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