Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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