Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
