Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
