quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
