My liver just broke up with me...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
