We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
