Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
