Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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