We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
