a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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