Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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