Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
