I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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