Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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