Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my shit smells like andre
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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