I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so let's talk penis.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
