Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
