dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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