I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
