I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
