Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
