Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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