I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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