she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I will pee on everything he values.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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