Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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