Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
