"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
