I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
