I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
