This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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