Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
