by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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