Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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