I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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