I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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