I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize