I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
