if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
