i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
