Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
