This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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