I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
