kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
