ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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