at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
