I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
