dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
