good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
