my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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