guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
