Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
