I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
