"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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