final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
