It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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