just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
