I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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