making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
