Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
