My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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