I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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