Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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