I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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