i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
