i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
