I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
