If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
