Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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