bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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