im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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