Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
